Friday, February 24

whoo hoo!

**above written in "Sarcastic" font.

Thursday, February 23


Here is an open letter to my friends -
my fellow swim parents.

Dear Parents.

I just wanted to give a shout out to all of you who have
unknowingly supplied our household with numerous,
mulit-colored swim towels.  We have accumulated quite a stash of
towels that I did not myself purchase.  And I will tell you.  With two kids 
prospectively swimming doubles on some days - that is a LOT of swim
towels we need to have on hand.  Because I am not washing enough
already, I get to add all of yours to the mix.  But it's all good.
There is always an available, strange towel to throw in the swim bag,
thanks to you.

Oh.  And a quick shout out to the (what will remain unnamed) Health Club
where our swimmers have grown accustomed to "borrowing" their towels.
I am now the proud owner of more white towels that I can keep up with
folding.  I personally, do NOT buy white towels so I know for a fact
that these are surely gifts from you - even though you have yet to catch
on some security camera somewhere in your facility, that my kids (among others
I am sure) are swiping  borrowing your towels.  White or not, a towel
is a towel, when you get out of a 2 hour practice, I suppose.  So thank you.

And I just wanted to say you are WELCOME.  All of you that are now
the proud owners of OUR towels.  Mind you, they are our NEW towels.
But how would you know that?  Just because they are thick and fluffy, and
still bright colored and pretty.  How is it that our shitty towels that we have
had just about forever, still make it back to my house?  Not my good ones?
Oh well.  Enjoy.

See you at the next swim meet with your towel wrapped around one of my kids.

Have a good day.  Happy Laundry.


Friday, February 17

I love thith kid

Not only ith my Garrin tho thweet.
He ith funny.
He ith thmart.
He loveth uth like crazy.
He ith alwayth happy.
And he has no teeth right now.
Looks like he will be lisping for quite some time.

Thursday, February 16


Living in our house sometimes is almost like Disneyland.
Pixie Hollow to be exact.

So let's take a look at the definition of FAIRY:
1. A tiny imaginary being in human form, depicted as clever, mischievous, and possessing magical powers.
  Wallpapers Tinker Bell Pixie Hollow Disney Fairies Online Forums P Oplog View File 204209 800x600
I don't know about in your house,
but we don't just have the Tooth Fairy around here.

We have the 
homework fairy,
sock fairy,
book fairy,
sneaker fairy,
parka fairy,
debit card fairy,
purse fairy,
sweatshirt fairy,
goggle fairy,
water jug fairy,
and the
zip drive fairy.
Those little rascals come in and take
my kids things, and put them somewhere other than
where my kids "claimed" they put them.
My kids don't just "claim" they put them somewhere,
they actually argue the point.
For like - an hour.

But who can argue - when little fairies magically come in
and take your shit??  Really.

I do find it kind of interesting however, that the
XBox fairy
and the 
iPhone fairy
and the 
Junk Food fairy
have not made their way here.

Wednesday, February 15

the day AFTER Valentine's

Love was truly in the air yesterday.
Look at these beautiful roses that are sitting on my counter.

I love flowers.
Hell - I was a florist so of course I love flowers.
Still today I so love them.
Nothing like a fresh cut bunch.
Makes me smile.

Except though....
these are not my roses.
Bill did not buy these for me.
My kids did not buy these for me.

These are Hannah's.






Shoot me now.

Tuesday, February 14

Happy Valentine's Day

Sometimes words are not necessary.

Thursday, February 9

I guess...

you don't have to be:

at 5 o'clock in the morning
before the sun comes up,
while the moon still hangs in the sky

AND your 2nd cup of coffee hasn't kicked in yet

while your somewhat grumpy.

I guess you can be
a 14 year old who is young but, tired, forgetful,
 and unfocused because it is 5 o'clock in the morning.
Up because you are a dedicated
swimmer and need to get your butt to practice,

So you write notes
and put them on the floor where you will step over
them when you head out the door.

Pretty good strategy, I'd say.
I sure would die if I forgot my underwear, pants and bra...

Wednesday, February 8

When Fact vs. Fiction

Fact:  I am 46 years old and I actually am OK with that.
Fact:  I do love my husband, with all my heart and all my soul.
Fact:  I have three kids whom I too love completely, but want to strangle occasionally.
Fact:  I am open and honest.
Fact:  I have a LOT of friends.  And a lot of those friendships are very deep.
Fact:  You can ask me anything and I will be truthful.
Fact:  When I commit to something, it is fully.
Fact:  I think I could have had an incredibly difficult adulthood, had I not worked very hard to work through the dysfunction of my childhood.  I could write a book - or produce my own unbelievable reality show.
Fact:  I would do just about anything for anyone.
Fact:  I think I'm pretty funny.  This not known to me until I started using social media and realize I crack myself up.
Fact:  Sometimes things happen in my life that totally suck.
Fact:  Sometimes I probably don't handle those sucky things "properly" but I handle them as best as only I can.
Fact:  For the most part I consider myself very fortunate, and know I am blessed to have all that I do in my life.
Fact:  I thank God for the above fact, every day.
Fact:  I never have and never will consider myself to be any better than anyone else. Need proof? Ask, and I can provide.
Fact:  My life is an open book. Again - just ask.
Fact:  Don't fuck with my kids. You will regret it.
Fact:  I say, shame on me, if I have let anyone fuck with ME.

Fiction:  I am 46 years old....(ok, who am I kidding.  I am.  And I feel it most of the time.)
Fiction:  My marriage is unstable.
Fiction:  My kids are spoiled, rotten brats.  (We work hard to parent the best way WE think.)
Fiction:  I just say shit to say shit.
Fiction:  I don't have any friends, and no one wants anything to do with me because of the way I am.
Fiction:  I just spew shit because I want people to like me.
Fiction:  I get involved in stuff swim related and school related, again, only because I want people to like me.
Fiction:  Life is grand, always has been, always will be.  Nothing bad can touch me, because I am THAT awesome.
Fiction:  I use people.
Fiction:  I use humor to cover up the pain in my life.
Fiction:  Let me remind you - my life is PERFECT.  Oh and so am I.
Fiction:  I just handle things the way I do because I am a bitch.  Plain and simple.  I have no feelings.
Fiction:  I think everything in life is owed me and should be handed to me on a silver platter.
Fiction:  I don't believe in God.
Fiction:  I count all the "things" I have that you don't.... I'm keeping score.
Fiction:  I try to sugar coat my life and my existence so you don't see me for who I really am.
Fiction:  Go ahead.  Walk all over my kids.  I don't care.  I don't notice.
Fiction:  Oh yeah.  Go ahead..... underestimate me.

Friday, February 3

I just want to say

that it is a gosh darned good thing
that this year - 2012...
is a leap year.

Because I've got to tell you.
It sucks so bad when you lose out on even
just one day of your life.

So thank you Leap Year,
I'll still get in a pretty decent 365.

God willing.