Friday, February 24

whoo hoo!

**above written in "Sarcastic" font.

Thursday, February 23


Here is an open letter to my friends -
my fellow swim parents.

Dear Parents.

I just wanted to give a shout out to all of you who have
unknowingly supplied our household with numerous,
mulit-colored swim towels.  We have accumulated quite a stash of
towels that I did not myself purchase.  And I will tell you.  With two kids 
prospectively swimming doubles on some days - that is a LOT of swim
towels we need to have on hand.  Because I am not washing enough
already, I get to add all of yours to the mix.  But it's all good.
There is always an available, strange towel to throw in the swim bag,
thanks to you.

Oh.  And a quick shout out to the (what will remain unnamed) Health Club
where our swimmers have grown accustomed to "borrowing" their towels.
I am now the proud owner of more white towels that I can keep up with
folding.  I personally, do NOT buy white towels so I know for a fact
that these are surely gifts from you - even though you have yet to catch
on some security camera somewhere in your facility, that my kids (among others
I am sure) are swiping  borrowing your towels.  White or not, a towel
is a towel, when you get out of a 2 hour practice, I suppose.  So thank you.

And I just wanted to say you are WELCOME.  All of you that are now
the proud owners of OUR towels.  Mind you, they are our NEW towels.
But how would you know that?  Just because they are thick and fluffy, and
still bright colored and pretty.  How is it that our shitty towels that we have
had just about forever, still make it back to my house?  Not my good ones?
Oh well.  Enjoy.

See you at the next swim meet with your towel wrapped around one of my kids.

Have a good day.  Happy Laundry.


Friday, February 17

I love thith kid

Not only ith my Garrin tho thweet.
He ith funny.
He ith thmart.
He loveth uth like crazy.
He ith alwayth happy.
And he has no teeth right now.
Looks like he will be lisping for quite some time.

Thursday, February 16


Living in our house sometimes is almost like Disneyland.
Pixie Hollow to be exact.

So let's take a look at the definition of FAIRY:
1. A tiny imaginary being in human form, depicted as clever, mischievous, and possessing magical powers.
  Wallpapers Tinker Bell Pixie Hollow Disney Fairies Online Forums P Oplog View File 204209 800x600
I don't know about in your house,
but we don't just have the Tooth Fairy around here.

We have the 
homework fairy,
sock fairy,
book fairy,
sneaker fairy,
parka fairy,
debit card fairy,
purse fairy,
sweatshirt fairy,
goggle fairy,
water jug fairy,
and the
zip drive fairy.
Those little rascals come in and take
my kids things, and put them somewhere other than
where my kids "claimed" they put them.
My kids don't just "claim" they put them somewhere,
they actually argue the point.
For like - an hour.

But who can argue - when little fairies magically come in
and take your shit??  Really.

I do find it kind of interesting however, that the
XBox fairy
and the 
iPhone fairy
and the 
Junk Food fairy
have not made their way here.

Wednesday, February 15

the day AFTER Valentine's

Love was truly in the air yesterday.
Look at these beautiful roses that are sitting on my counter.

I love flowers.
Hell - I was a florist so of course I love flowers.
Still today I so love them.
Nothing like a fresh cut bunch.
Makes me smile.

Except though....
these are not my roses.
Bill did not buy these for me.
My kids did not buy these for me.

These are Hannah's.






Shoot me now.

Tuesday, February 14

Happy Valentine's Day

Sometimes words are not necessary.

Thursday, February 9

I guess...

you don't have to be:

at 5 o'clock in the morning
before the sun comes up,
while the moon still hangs in the sky

AND your 2nd cup of coffee hasn't kicked in yet

while your somewhat grumpy.

I guess you can be
a 14 year old who is young but, tired, forgetful,
 and unfocused because it is 5 o'clock in the morning.
Up because you are a dedicated
swimmer and need to get your butt to practice,

So you write notes
and put them on the floor where you will step over
them when you head out the door.

Pretty good strategy, I'd say.
I sure would die if I forgot my underwear, pants and bra...

Wednesday, February 8

When Fact vs. Fiction

Fact:  I am 46 years old and I actually am OK with that.
Fact:  I do love my husband, with all my heart and all my soul.
Fact:  I have three kids whom I too love completely, but want to strangle occasionally.
Fact:  I am open and honest.
Fact:  I have a LOT of friends.  And a lot of those friendships are very deep.
Fact:  You can ask me anything and I will be truthful.
Fact:  When I commit to something, it is fully.
Fact:  I think I could have had an incredibly difficult adulthood, had I not worked very hard to work through the dysfunction of my childhood.  I could write a book - or produce my own unbelievable reality show.
Fact:  I would do just about anything for anyone.
Fact:  I think I'm pretty funny.  This not known to me until I started using social media and realize I crack myself up.
Fact:  Sometimes things happen in my life that totally suck.
Fact:  Sometimes I probably don't handle those sucky things "properly" but I handle them as best as only I can.
Fact:  For the most part I consider myself very fortunate, and know I am blessed to have all that I do in my life.
Fact:  I thank God for the above fact, every day.
Fact:  I never have and never will consider myself to be any better than anyone else. Need proof? Ask, and I can provide.
Fact:  My life is an open book. Again - just ask.
Fact:  Don't fuck with my kids. You will regret it.
Fact:  I say, shame on me, if I have let anyone fuck with ME.

Fiction:  I am 46 years old....(ok, who am I kidding.  I am.  And I feel it most of the time.)
Fiction:  My marriage is unstable.
Fiction:  My kids are spoiled, rotten brats.  (We work hard to parent the best way WE think.)
Fiction:  I just say shit to say shit.
Fiction:  I don't have any friends, and no one wants anything to do with me because of the way I am.
Fiction:  I just spew shit because I want people to like me.
Fiction:  I get involved in stuff swim related and school related, again, only because I want people to like me.
Fiction:  Life is grand, always has been, always will be.  Nothing bad can touch me, because I am THAT awesome.
Fiction:  I use people.
Fiction:  I use humor to cover up the pain in my life.
Fiction:  Let me remind you - my life is PERFECT.  Oh and so am I.
Fiction:  I just handle things the way I do because I am a bitch.  Plain and simple.  I have no feelings.
Fiction:  I think everything in life is owed me and should be handed to me on a silver platter.
Fiction:  I don't believe in God.
Fiction:  I count all the "things" I have that you don't.... I'm keeping score.
Fiction:  I try to sugar coat my life and my existence so you don't see me for who I really am.
Fiction:  Go ahead.  Walk all over my kids.  I don't care.  I don't notice.
Fiction:  Oh yeah.  Go ahead..... underestimate me.

Friday, February 3

I just want to say

that it is a gosh darned good thing
that this year - 2012...
is a leap year.

Because I've got to tell you.
It sucks so bad when you lose out on even
just one day of your life.

So thank you Leap Year,
I'll still get in a pretty decent 365.

God willing.

Monday, January 30

I knew there was a reason

that Connor was NOT giving me a hard time about listening
to my new BeeGees CD that I have in the truck.

I just knew it.
It goes back. 
Way back.

See what I mean?

Tuesday, January 24

in your skin

so the question is:
Are you content in your skin?

Part of this New Year for me
was making sure that was indeed true.
No more wasting time.
Going after what I want out of life.
Get out of my way.

And as the reality of our friend Tommy's death
slithers into the routineness of our daily lives
the words to Lifehouse's song
aptly titled "In Your Skin"
bring me back to thinking about him.

Throw stones, breaking bones
Then wonder why you run for cover
You fight the world from inside

Lay down, playing dead
Turn the pages, just another
Wasted day in your mind

You live to run away
But fear's the hardest act to follow
Let me let you in

Hold on another day
Face the truth, it's hard to swallow
It's time to begin
There's only one life
In your skin

Wake up, take a breath
Remember why you're even breathing
You're still alive

Give in, give it up
You're the only one believing
In all of your lies

You live to run away
But fear's the hardest act to follow
Let me let you in

Hold on another day
Face the truth, it's hard to swallow
It's time to begin
There's only one life
In your skin, in your skin

You live to run away
But fear's the hardest act to follow
Let me let you in

Hold on another day
Face the truth, it's hard to swallow
It's time to begin
There's only one life
In your skin, in your skin

There IS only one life in your skin. 
Are you doing all you can? 
YOU can be gone in an instant.

And man, I want to leave my mark.

Monday, January 23

it is just staggering

the possibilities endless,
 of what Connor can do when he grows up.

I just sit back in amazement of all that he is becoming
as he gets older.
Becomes a young teen.

I just don't know how he,
on a daily basis,
surprises me with his clear thinking.
His logic.

For example:
I couldn't have been more proud of him
when he came home from a birthday party
for a good friend of his at school.

Because really...........
who else can say their son did this??:
Wore Shorts to a Paintball Party

Only me, I am sure.
Go jealous!

Thursday, January 19

"you can leave now"

pretty much the exact words Garrin used last night,
to Bill and me,
after he was all set up in the office doing his homework.

Not sure where he picked up such an attitude....

Friday, January 13

take a look at this...

and then answer the question below.

Would you agree that taking just one look at this kid
makes you want to give him anything his little heart desires?

Yes.  I am a pushover and am feeding into his Lego Obsession.
I cannot stop.
I mean, just look at that face.

'Nuff said.

Thursday, January 12

The post with no name....

December 11th is the date of the last post here on The Tao.
I'd since started another post that never got published,
never got finished actually.
And this post - Well,
I'd uploaded the photos on January 4th
and just never got around to getting all those thoughts down
at that time.

So here I sit.  Waiting for a doctor's appointment,
with some not-so-spare time,
but a good time, nonetheless, to get on here
and get this rolling.....

I was just talking with my mother in law yesterday,
who has been here in AZ visiting since Dec 10th or thereabouts.
She had remarked how it was hard to believe that 1 month has passed.
And I was thinking about how much has happened within that one month.

Holy Effing Shit.  A. LOT.

So - on to the pics that I uploaded,
and then I will download some the end of the post.

So here is a family photo,
which I love.
Will always remind me of the unbelievably gorgeous weather
we enjoyed Christmas of 2011.
Onto an amazing project Leslie and I worked on when we got together
for New Years.
And might I just add that getting together with a best friend
on New Years really gets you pumped for what the new year will bring.
Anyhoo - the project.
We made Inspiration boards - cut outs from magazines that defined us
and what we wanted out of the year.  It was fun to do, but
even better that I get to glance at that every single morning
and remind myself to focus on what is right in front of me....literally.
Love this!  And of course I love Leslie!

Next up for us was a quick little trip to Sedona.
Nothing quite like connecting with a landscape so indescribable to 
aid in forgetting about any negativity in your life, school, work,
homework, swimming, driving, flying.....all those things that occupy
us, but define us as who we are in our normalcy.

And then "Monday" rolls around.
That back to school,
back to work,
back to laundry,
back to cleaning,
back to reality - day.

It's all good though.
Every bit of it.

So much so for me now.
For all that has happened in the past month
has changed me.
So Bill's friend and business mentor Tommy died.
Just like that.

Mid December brought so much excitement because Bill was going to finally be
finished with 6 weeks of traveling for work.  My mother-in-law was coming here
to spend the holidays.  The kids would be out for winter break, and we were gearing
up to spend Christmas in Disneyland with the Marshall family.

A day after Bill came home from San Francisco he got a call from Tommy's
business partner, that Tommy was in the hospital near the end....
So Bill went on his way to NYC - Sloan Kettering Hospital
to visit his best friend who had stage 4 lung cancer.
And I stayed home.  Which killed me.
It killed me because I knew this would have been my one and only
opportunity to talk to Tommy.  To tell him thank you for everything he'd brought to our life.
The love.  The support.  The friendship (best friendship with my husband).
The laughs.  The kindness.  The years.  Many many years.
Just always being there, sometimes what seemed, just in the background.
One of the few people who whenever, where ever -
had our back.  He was always, just THERE.

But Bill came home hopeful that Tommy would kick this.
Through writing and gestures Tommy "told" Bill he would be coming out
here to AZ.....soon.  And Bill hoped.  And I hoped.

We cancelled Disneyland.
We scrambled to bring Christmas to the kids at home, regardless of what was
going on.  And amidst trying to be happy and hopeful, Tommy's life
ended on December 23rd.

With the arrangements set for the week end before New Years,
Bill once again headed back out to the east coast.
And I did not.  Could not.  I needed to take care of the kids,
as before.  But while Bill was gone
I changed.

What is that saying?  "Life sucks, then you die."
God, how many minutes have I spent creating some sort of "Life Sucks"
for myself.  Letting shit get to me.  Letting people get to me.
Wasting time worrying about

Seriously.  Life can and does end in an instant, sometimes.
Why am I not living my life
better or differently
knowing so?

So I vowed - to Tommy,
to change that.
In his honor.
To live my life,
for Bill and I to live OUR lives,
the way he lived his.
The way he showed us.

So if I could,
I would still want to thank him for all that he'd ever done for us,
but thank him too,
for changing our lives - our future.
Our outlook.
Our motivation.

I am on a roll.
And it feels really good.
2012 is going to be amazing.
And I am grateful and thankful for every moment
I am able to watch Bill fill the void in his life now,
with a new outlook on life.

Because we now know - life can be gone in less than two weeks....