Friday, March 25

random thoughts on a Friday

Almost 5 days have gone by without blogging.
And I am really stretching to make time to take photos.
I can't really look back and say "holy shit!  I've been busy."
Because I am not actually sure I'd call it busy.  I don't know - just life I guess.

Life is Good, so that is a check mark in the right direction.
At least it hasn't been that life was sucking.....

Being as nothing eventful has occurred, I guess I'll just jot down some
random thoughts.

Hannah got back from Florida on Monday.  I was happy to see her, of course.
But at the same time, I had let her go off on her own to take this next step in her swimming
"career" or however you'd like to label it.  I did not make a big deal on her return.
Didn't get out the party horns, the balloons, throw confetti at her down at baggage claim.
I just hugged her and welcomed her home - and stepped back to look at my amazing
daughter who is growing up.  I looked at a 13 year old girl who has the ability to
manage her life in a positive way - at times all on her own.  She juggles school and swimming
with ease.  She is able to have fun with school friends, swim friends, facebook friends, laugh,
giggle, be girly, control drama and at the snap of a finger become focused on the task at hand.
Whether it is algebra or an upcoming swim meet.  I love knowing that Bill and I hand her
the necessary tools to be personally successful - and she uses them.  That alone
has to be a powerful self esteem builder.  A teen knowing they can succeed.
Having opportunities to prove to yourself that you can succeed.  I love that.

So she is off from swimming for two weeks.  She knows she will now not have another
break from swimming until this time next year.  High school swimming will start for her in
August when most club swimmers will see another short break.  She is a smart girl and has
taken advantage of the situation.  Without me having to tell her, she knows that now is the
time to socialize with her school friends, after school, while she actually has the opportunity.
Now if she would only find the time to squeeze in cleaning her room, unpacking her suitcase,
(it's been 4 days......), FINDING HER DAMN RETAINER SO SHE CAN WEAR IT,....
well......all would be good, now, wouldn't it??

And Connor, still on the upswing here.  Loving school.  Seriously.  He is so obsessed with
constantly checking his grades online.  Focused on keeping himself where he wants to be
academically.  It's nice to see - even when the grades don't change and he keeps calling
me to "come see" the computer...over.....and over......and over.......
Swimming?  For him it continues.  No break because he qualified to swim a Far Western meet
in California.  And having Hannah coming off of going to Florida, we had to say yes to him
going to this meet, even with just three events.  He too worked hard.  Speaking of obsessed,
same for swimming.  Has to look at the time standards all the time to calculate how far off
he is from certain cuts.  This too drives me batty - but I must not complain.
I am not prepared to tell my kids what kind of kids Bill and I were at their ages......
So I silently THANK THE GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN that they are NOT following
in our footsteps......."Let us pray...."

Garrin my Garrin.  I love this kid.  Not much to say other than he makes every day
a better day for all of us.  Truly he does.  He loves us all unconditionally.
He holds no grudges toward Hannah or Connor.  He stands up for himself to them,
but also loves to be part of what they do.  He makes not passing judgement, an easy choice.
Whether I feel he lacks in some areas, he certainly excels in others, but
he has a way of making me feel and know that in the end, all kids are equal.
All kids read, all kids add and subtract, all kids have friends.
It's all good and I love watching him live his life in Garrin-fashion.
With a big giant smile on his face and his eyes squinted into little half-moons!

As for Bill and I - we are back on track baby. In a big way.
 Marriage, once taken for granted, is now a pleasure to put effort in to.  At one time
it was all so effortless but along came the derailment that was a huge slap in the face.
A smack of reality.  No more taking for granted.  So while it's taken a while.......
no really........A LONG has gotten back where it needs to be.
The biggest part of that being working on ourselves first.  Again, another thing you take
for granted.  Your own well being.  We both worked and continue to work on that.
I call it the trickle down effect.  If YOU are not good, you can not be a good partner, and
in turn can not be a good parent. Nobody is happy at that point.  So you must start at the top.

So working on me meant quite a few things.
Returning to me.  Who I was.  What I stood for.
The inside part.
Then I started on the outside part.
Who I'd become.....not so good.  Overweight.  Unhealthy.  Uncaring.
How could I claim to care for everyone else, when I really wasn't proving my ability
to do so, by not taking care of myself?
So my crusade to get healthy is going well.  I have been on a fucking diet,
ok I am a little bitter about having to be on a diet,
but I got my fat ass to this point by OBVIOUSLY NOT being on a diet....
and have been making a valiant effort to work out.  Let's just try to forget
about my sidelining knee injury when I was convincing myself I was going to be a runner.
But I'm back at the gym and taking advantage of the beautiful weather here
where I live - to get healthy.  I am down 15 pounds.  Go me!  But I wouldn't be me
if I didn't throw in a little sarcasm in there and say - I have a lot more damn weight to go
before I am where I should be.
Now SHOULD and WANNA?  Those may be two different numbers,
but as I get closer to that point - I'll have to negotiate that in some private conversation
with myself.  But for now - all is good.

And while I do not know the internal conversations Bill has with himself,
on his own personal journey - I do see a change.  His fat ass doesn't make his rear bike
tire go flat anymore............just kidding!!  (He'd want me to kid...........I hope).
Feeling better and more positive about himself certainly transfers itself into his work.
Which is important.  Because that is how we all survive around here.......
wink wink
But he is more confident in what he is doing and more sure of where he wants to take his
business.  And for that I am happy.
Which in turn makes US happy.
Which in turn makes our kids happy.
Trickle down, remember..?

So this is the short story long about what has been in my head the past few days,
although at this point in time I am thinking I should have delivered the Readers Digest
Condensed Version, perhaps.

Oh Well
I am hoping maybe some of these random words resonate.
I don't believe for one minute that I am the only one in this world who has lived
by taking things for granted.  I knew I needed to change that.  Maybe you do too.
Happy Friday all!


trisha said...

Random thought away sista . . . good for the soul and good for the readers !! <3 u !!

Unknown said...

15 pounds!!! AWESOME, Gini!!!
I am so excited for you!

LOVE Random Thoughts Posts!