Wednesday, September 8


More like rambling....
Went for physical therapy this morning.
I've been going two times a week since the accident.
I am sick of it.
Sick of how long this is all taking.
Sick of feeling the pain in my back all the time.
Sick of making this all about me.
I struggle with that. I struggle that someone
spends one hour focusing on me. I like it the other
way around - focusing on others. I can do that and
do it pretty well. So my lack of patience with this
whole therapy thing is getting to me. But there is
nothing else that I can do, other than get over myself.
I've been saying that a lot lately.
I think a "nicer" way of saying it would be:
concentrating on things that are more important.
being thankful for what I have.
being appreciative.
OK - that's better. Saying things nicely is not my strong point...
I lost my camera battery and charger.
I think I may have left them in Florida.
Hence the lack of photography on here lately.
The battery I do have is not charging properly
in the charger that I have had for like ten years.
So my dilemma was - by a Canon battery which runs
from $45 to $70 or buy a knock-off which I know won't
last very long.....I went the cheapo route....We'll see
how that all plays out.
I have a new vehicle now. Not new, but used. Bill and I
had gone down to a car dealer over the weekend to drive
a Ford Explorer that was in my price range. I drove it.
I liked it but I needed my brother to come down and check
it out. While I was waiting for him, I drove a Volvo Cross
Country and I just loved it. While my first thought was to get
back into a NICE BIG truck, I am really OK with my decision
to buy the Volvo. It feels good to drive. And I can still fit all
the kids crap in it. Plenty of room. Bill got 'er all registered for me
yesterday so I am Ridin' Solo again. (I love that song, by the way).
Anyhoo. Funny thing is - though I have been driving Bill's car a bit
since the accident, and have been amazed at the fact that I haven't
felt paranoid about getting into another accident, driving my car...
I am sensing myself getting a little tense. More apprehensive. And
I find myself driving like a Grandma!!! WTF???? Talked with Bill
a little bit about it. I hope I don't feel like this for very long....the car
is pretty fast.......I'd like to drive it fast.......well maybe, fast-ER.
Watched a Hoarders marathon this weekend too. We have a hoarder in the
family. Well one, that we will admit to. Lotta OCD too. So I spent all day yesterday
cleaning things, going through some stuff, making sure I didn't have any preliminary
signs of hoarding. I realized that I am a border-line makeup hoarder. I have
just as much MAC makeup - as the counter itself at the department store.....And
Bill - well he is a hotel-bath-products hoarder. Bags full of little bitty soaps, and
shampoos and conditioners and mouthwashes...... Hannah is a closet hair accessory
hoarder. Seriously, if you go to Target and can't find what you're looking for,
chances are it is here. Oh and in any and all colors......... I need to put the
kibosh on this quick.
I am feeling really good these days. Feeling like I should be. How I am used to.
In control. I've made dental appointments for all five of us....this of which I have
procrastinated doing since we've moved here. I don't know why. It is so not like
me. Got everyone well-check appointments as well. Put off doing that too. And
most importantly - the therapist....shrink....psychologist....whatever you call them
these days - going next week. Looking forward to it. Looking forward to unloading
on a completely neutral person - who has absolutely no stake in anything I have
to say. I like that.
So here's to a great HUMP day.
Glad to get a few things down in writing.
Today's personal therapy session - CHECK!!

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