I planned on announcing on my blog, to those who hadn't heard in person,
that Bill and I had decided to move back east. It was probably going to be
some long and drawn out explanation as to why, how, when...
we were leaving.
Because it is in my head and I like to get things all written down. Brings a little
closure for me so I can move on to whatever it is I need to wrap my brain around next.
I still may write those things down, but this here, this is fresh on my mind.
It's so fresh and raw that it hurts......
I feel the need to write about something that is much
deeper for me. Something that is close to my heart. Something that is so sad, yet
so stereotypical, it is scary.
I will start by saying that I have felt for the last 8 years of our lives here that
each and every one of us, including my kids, were incredibly blessed to be
surrounded by so many friends. Good friends. Friends from every little niche
of our lives from school, to swim, to soccer, to whatever. We enjoyed spending a lot
of time over the years with all of these people. Our favorite thing?? Bringing
people into our home. Sharing our house, our yard, our friendship, our fortunate
life. All the good things we had, we were able to share. Good food, Good Fun...
our party invitations always said. Everyone, we were pretty sure,
felt at home and very welcome. Everyone, we were pretty sure,
felt our giving was sincere, from our heart and quite genuine.
The last seven or eight weeks have been FAR FROM NORMAL, for all five of us here.
We have all been through hell, that only
we, our family and a few close friends know - the very personal, very intimate
details. Oh and let me just say this....THE TRUTH.
This is a TRUTH, a pain, that I will not share on this blog, but a pain that still resides in
all of us. It is a pain that children should not ever endure, but mine are.
This pain, coupled with Bill's very agonizing, but well thought out, much supported decision
to resign his position with the company he has given his life and soul to for
20 years, has pushed us to make the decision to leave here.
My.... how very fast friends turn from you.
We have unknowingly provided an opportunity for friends to take a situation
they assume they know the details about, and begin talking...
spreading rumors....spinning stories.......
into something that it is NOT.
Trust me, my friends. You DO NOT KNOW or
UNDERSTAND the truth. Continue to perceive our situation how ever you
must. We will be gone in five weeks. I am quite confident when I say that
my heart, however crushed it is today knowing that those I thought were friends
may in fact, not be my friends, will hurt even deeper when I hear what is being
said about me, my husband, my daughter....AFTER we leave. We would have
welcomed love and support yet we have been left with dealing with the crap.
I am sad.
If you even THINK you knew me, you will feel me.
I am sad.
I hurt thinking that all I wanted was for my children to be able to take these
remaining weeks here, to say goodbye to their friends, instead of having to battle
rumors about our family and about themselves. To say goodbye peacefully.
You may think that all they are dealing with is moving.
But really...you do not know THE TRUTH.
Rumors get around so fast.
Rumors get back to the people they are about...even faster.
I hear it all.
And I am feeling it all.
I am sad.
Sad that when you hope friends will gather around,
they leave you faster than you can imagine.
Leave you for something better.
Oh well. That seems to be so stereotypical, does it not??