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Wednesday, March 4

Foster/Adopt

I really haven't had much opportunity to blog about the process
that Bill and I are going through to become foster/adopt parents.
The day after our class is Take Me Back Tuesday
and I get all wrapped up in finding photos for that!
I had quickly touched on the subject way back here.

Why are we doing this?

Well, as I explained before,
we can't physically have anymore children.
And while God has blessed us with three monsters
awesome kids, we feel we have more love to give
to children. Other children.

So we attended an orientation meeting. Much to my surprise,
a friend of mine was in the same meeting and we both kind of looked
at each other - saying out loud - "What are YOU doing here??"
She has an awesome set of beautiful boys rounding out her
family, and I assumed her family dynamic was quite complete.
I can only assume she thought the same of Bill and I.

So there we were standing, waiting, wondering about
how we were going to do this.
She is going to fostering route,
while Bill and I inevitably want to adopt in the end.

So we have officially completed 6 hours of the 24 hours
of required training.
We attend 3 hour meetings once a week for 8 weeks.
On top of that - background checks, fingerprinting, mounds and
mounds of paperwork and of course, home studies.

So week by week we have noticed the class sizes dwindling.
The orientation class was overflowing.
Our assigned Monday night class - every seat filled.
This week. Not so much.

The reason is a good one.
These classes do not in any way sugar coat what a potential
foster or foster/adopt parent may encounter with any or all of these
children. I totally admit, that when we heard
we had to attend these meetings, I was thinking,
holy hell, I've got three already, what more do I need to learn??

Well, all of our discussions and the video's we watch,
they are raw, real, and very frank.
As it should be.
There are brutally honest accounts of physical,
emotional and sexual abuse that these kids may have endured.
Scenarios are constantly being created, to get the
prospective parents thinking how they might handle things.
Everything that is said in those classes,
make you stop
and think.

Last nights class left quite an impact on me. Our instructor said
something quite good. If you are going through this process
to have another child that can love you -
you need to stop right now. Because in many cases,
that child may not have the capacity to love you.
You have to do this so that YOU can be the one to give love,
and provide the opportunity for a child to have a better life.
A step in the right direction for their future.

And when Bill and I were driving home, and I ask him the usual
question - "OK, so how do you feel now??" - just to make sure
we are both still on the same page with all of this,
we both know EXACTLY why we are doing this.

And we are very excited.

11 comments:

Allison said...

What a wonderful and selfless act to open your hearts and home to a child who needs the love and stability you both can provide.

carissa... brown eyed fox said...

you are being called... pulled... wow... i am so happy for you!
excitied!

amazing...
the light you will bring!

Amiablyme said...

http://amiablyme.wordpress.com
I'm sure your intentions are good ones, however, what your instructor probably didn't tell you, is how many many of these children are stolen from good families for money. Many of these children just want their own families, and will have serious abandonment issues at the hands of their kidnappers. Many of the abused children have been abused by former foster parents and not from their own parents. Watch the videos on my website http://amiablyme.wordpress.com/2009/02/21/129/

There is more information if you want to know the truth.

Sandra Ami

Gini said...

While I appreciate your comment, and I truly do, your truth, plain and simple is not the ONLY truth. Because I am not one to ever let things lie, I will in good faith bring this up at our next meeting. While it does not matter to me if you are passing judgement without rightfully knowing my family and our intentions, I write this blog full well knowing that not everyone is going to agree with me or like me. So with that I am leaving your comment. I am in no position to pass judgement on you and your life. And lastly, the one thing stressed each and everytime we enter that classroom - is re-unification. That is their goal here. In the instance where the birth parents are not interested in re-unification - that's where my husband and I can commit ourselves to providing a future for someone, with adoption being the end result. Thanks for reading.

iVegasFamily said...

Gini,

Kudos to you and Bill. I think what you're doing is great. There are many children out there that deserve a great family like yours. I also agree with your response to the above comment. While there are cases as she suggests, its not as widespread as she makes it seem.

My brother and his wife recently adopted one of their nephews from his wife's side of the family. This poor kid had never experienced a true family before. His father is in prison for life for repeated sexual assaults and his mother is a drug addict that abandoned him years ago and hasn't been seen or heard from since. He needed a real family and thankfully he has one now. There are thousands upon thousands of kids just like him.

Denise said...

Gini:

As a mental health professional, I have worked with many of these children. As you are learning in class, their histories, for the most part, are very complicated and devastatingly sad, and, as you mention, for many reasons, family reunification is the goal of the government.

However, very sadly, not all of these children have families that want to reunify or are able to do so. Unfortunately, there are not enough people like you and Bill who are willing (and, quite frankly, able) to step in and make a difference in these kids lives and that is a true tragedy.

For what it is worth, I do not understand the comment above about children "being stolen from good families for money". In Massachusetts it is difficult to get kids taken out of their home unless there is an extreme situation. Maybe it is different out there and, of course, there are exceptions to everything. Also, the presence of abandonment issues does not mean that the life they were living with their family was a good or safe one.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us!

Jerolyn said...

Well said Gini...well said!

Kim said...

I cannot tell you how much I admire you and Bill for what you are doing, and I know without question that you are doing it for all the right reasons.

The love you have to share is immense, and any child who joins your family will be truly blessed.

Props for not deleting the opposing comment.

Chris said...

You guys are doing a great thing. Sounds like the classes are good education for you guys. Don't let that comment deter you in any way. (I know you won't anyway.)

Love you, me

Liz said...

wow.
just wow.
I just read the first blog - not sure how I missed it, perhaps I wasn't addicted yet, as I am now.
And now I am reading this.

There is so much I could say...

I am just so touched and so certain that God is such an amazing presence in your home and in your hearts.

I love it.

Now I will go check out this other woman's blog - just to know both sides...

LaAna said...

As in every aspect of life there is opposition in all things, good and bad. So do you let the bad deter you from doing what you can, what's right for you and your family - of course not. Knowledge truly is power and you're not the type of person who will be uninformed about anything concerning your home or family. Now everyone's journey is different and we all have different shoes to walk in. I'm just grateful for those like you willing to make a positive difference with love and acceptance.