Saturday, February 28

Do you need Lysol......

or just a nice

scrubbing from top to bottom....

from your head.....

all the way down to your toes......
(allbeit with nail polish on them)

to rid this house and its occupants
from sickness?
Tell me please.

Thursday, February 26

Why this little bit of independence....

probably won't be a good thing....
in the end.

Bill and I have over the span of 11 years of parenting,
been all for letting the kids try things on their own
when they have asked - within reason of course.
We both grew up knowing at a fairly young age
that it was a necessity to become strong and independent.
And we totally want that for our kids.

That being said, we all know that loosening the ties,
can create havoc sometimes. Messes we end up having to clean,
things being broken, boo boo's needing bandages...
you get my point.

So yesterday, we were very surprised to come upon one
of those examples of our kids trying to be independent.....
While I will certainly take the time when asked for help,
I actually love the pampering of something so simple as nail painting.
But there just comes a time when they want to try to do
this on their own. Get their hands dirty,
experience the little sting from nail polish remover,
the tickling of nail filing.

But the end result - oh, so pretty though.

Yup, that's my

Painting his own toenails.

Without asking us.

Half naked.

In Gap underwear.

Sitting on the coffee table.

He was not happy with the end result.
He kept telling me his feet were dirty and he
wanted me to wash them.
I see by this picture, too, that I should have
used a little more polish remover when
taking off THE BLACK POLISH he asked me to put
on over the weekend, huh???

3 year old


red nail polish

not good....

Wednesday, February 25

The grass is NOT always greener...

sometimes, it's just the same.

If you are shivering because it 23,
and I shiver when its 55....
no matter.

If you are getting a tan and its sunny and 80,
and I am enjoying it as well,
but it's 110......
no matter.

It is all relative.

And we are all feeling the same thing right now.


It's in the air,
it's in the grass,
it's in the trees......
The buds,
the flowers,
the green, green grass......

Spring is great where ever you are, isn't it??

Tuesday, February 24

Take Me Back Tuesday

October 1st, 2000

Connor's baptism - the after party.
Because when you are Italian there is ALWAYS
an after party.
After a Baptism and
After a Funeral.
This is my mother-in-law with Hannah (right)
and her cousin Jenna.
Both girls were 3 1/2.
Dang cute, weren't they???

Saturday, February 21

don't you just want to...

cover him in rainbow sprinkles,
and eat him with a spoon???

Friday, February 20

What my daughter and I have in common.

At times....

we are both a couple of whack jobs....

Wing nuts.....

Freaks....what ever your pleasure is,
that is us.

Let's start with the story of me - you know,
'cause its all about me....

So today I am on Parent Link for the fifteenth time,
checking Hannah's grades.
I notice she has a 95 percent in PE.
Now, a 95 in Math, that's OK I guess. Even in Science.
But PE?

So I grill her ask her nicely about it when she gets in the car.
I say it a little something like this -
"How is it that YOU have a 95 in PE? I mean come on Hannah. You."
"You flipping swim 6000 yards a night and do dry land training for 45 minutes to boot."
"How do YOU not have 100 percent in PE?"

So she explains to me that she didn't receive her "points" for the day she
missed school to attend the Junior Olympics.

So within 3 minutes, I have typed up an email to send to the PE teacher
that went a little somethin' like this:

Dear Miss PE Teacher -

Are you kidding me? A 95 percent for MY daughter? Do you know who she is
and what she does everyday? Why she could kick some serious 8th grader ass,
and take names, even though she is a 6th grader. You think by looking at her, she
is some scrawny, skinny little wimp of a tween, but she's got some guns, girl. And
she'll use them if she needs to. Why do you think everyone at PE class goes
all ga-ga when she does more than 2 pushups? Try like 20.....

Give her the damn extra 5 points, will ya?

Sincerely yours - Mrs. Herbst

OK, it wasn't EXACTLY like that.
More like this:

My name is Gini Herbst and I am Hannah's mom. I was checking her grade today and noticed that she had a 95 percent. When I questioned her, she explained to me that she did not receive points on the day she was absent. She also explained to me that she had inadvertently forgotten to pick up the form needed to get points for the missed day. From Thursday Jan 29th in the evening thru Sunday Feb 1st - Hannah was competing in the Southern California Junior Olympics for swimming in Long Beach California, which explains her absence.

She trains every day for 2 1/2 hours and has dedicated herself to the sport all the while maintaining straight A's. We are both hoping that she may still turn in the form to bring her grade up to a 100 percent.

Now that I am aware of the necessity for turning in the form for points, I will make sure that in the future, if she misses because of attending a swim meet, she will turn it in promptly.

Thank you in advance for your time -

Well. I've heard back already, and my baby is getting her 100.
What's right is right......right?

So now the story of Hannah
and how I know she has a couple of screws loose.

This weekend marks the end of the short-course swimming season
(25 yard pool)
and then begins their long-course season
(50 meters, like the Olympics..).
My kid wants to go out with a bang so she has
chosen, on her own,
of her own free will,

to swim the 1000 freestyle (yah, that's 40 laps of freestyle),
the 400 Individual Medley (yah, that's 4 laps of butterfly,
followed by 4 laps of backstroke, which is then followed by 4 laps
of breaststroke, which is finished up with 4 laps of freestyle),
in addition to 5 other events........

and she is beside herself with excitement.
Who does that?


Thursday, February 19

I'm sorry, Dawg.

It's just not workin' for me.
Well, let me take that back. Now its workin'.
Last night they got rid of friggin'
TATIANA on American Idol.

Holy cow.
Now I really haven't been watching much of
Idol this year,
as opposed to last year when I was ready to kick some
ass if David Cook didn't win,
and the previous season,
when I pretty much boycotted the whole enchilada
right after Daughtry got booted.
Let's get back to this lunatic.
While I didn't think the singing was anything spectacular,
it was apparent that in addition to her slight ability to carry a tune,
she had more drama goin' on
than CSI, CSI Miami and CSI New York all put together.
Looks like your headed out of the Dawg Pound.

Wednesday, February 18

Our latest obsession

The word obsession when describing this household
is NOT always a good thing because at times it
may mean, tidying up the pantry so all like items are together,
and all labels are facing forward,
or that all my kids books are in their bookcase by size/author,
hard covers on one bookcase, soft covers of the other,
and that all holiday books are by holiday in the order they
land on on the calendar.

Facebook, in it's own right,
has also become an obsession around here.
I just can't seem to get my damn ass off of it.
Why? Dammit, why?

So Pioneer Woman had written on her site about
a game called Bananagrams
that looked so fun, I didn't want to wait to order from
Amazon, low and behold, found it at Barnes and Noble.
I think it was like $14.95 or something.
So stinking fun.
There is no playing against a timer.
You play with your own set of tiles.

And wouldn't you know it, my
I.Hate.Playing.Games husband finds himself in the midst of a good game.


You can still do things like
watch American Idol
House Hunters
and keep your brain from melting
from too much FB.

Tuesday, February 17

Take Me Back Tuesday

I didn't go too far back on this one -
But I was thrilled when I came across it
so I had to put it up.

Anaheim, CA
The Grove
A Seal Concert where they actually allowed kids.
We had purchased tickets that included a meet and greet.
We'd spent an awful lot of money that year
buying those tickets and "met" him numerous times.
Bill went once to HOB in Downtown Disney by himself,
and I flew to CT (in a fricken snowstorm) by myself.
Thus pretty much sealing our STALKER status.
So here you have my children and Seal.
How totally ROCKIN' is this???

Monday, February 16

Is it really Monday?

Wow. It is.
Monday's usually don't start off this good!

We all got to sleep late this morning.
All but Bill that is.
Off to work for him.

Hannah was the first one up, seeing as
she slept away most of yesterday in between bouts of
puking. She seems so much better today, thank goodness.
First good way to greet today.

Secondly - kids are off from school - yippee!!!

and as late as I wandered on downstairs -
a perfectly fresh brewed pot of coffee was waiting for me.
Thanks Bill.

The next thing, in all of it's wonderful-ness,
don't you love it when your kids
can finally make their own breakfast
offer to make a terrific batch of french toast for everyone??

so, so glad she is not sick

a little cinnamon....OK...a whole lot of cinnamon

and Bill didn't want the griddle option on this stove...hmm.

thanks for helping Connor


So as we are all sitting down for breakfast
and I was catching up on some blogs I noticed,
with mixed feelings,
I received an award from a local blogging bud, iVegasFamily.
Another Monday surprise!!
This award is supposed to show that I transmit cultural, literal, ethical
and personal values every day on my blog.
I've got the "cultural, literal, and personal values" down pat...
not so sure about "ethical".
pertaining to or dealing with morals or the principles of morality; pertaining to right and wrong in conduct.
being in accordance with the rules or standards for right conduct or practice, esp. the standards of a profession: It was not considered ethical for physicians to advertise.

Sometimes I just act like a bitch and I can't help myself.
Oh well. Not sure how ethical I am when I'm like that.

Thanks for the award VegasDad. I appreciate it.

And if anyone else cares.....
'cause you are all on FB now,
instead of my blog.
tee hee

Hope everyone is having a fabulous Monday too!!!

Sunday, February 15

Remind me to....

think twice before going to a kids show at the Cox Pavilion.
I am going to try to be nice here.
But I just got home from this show
and sometimes the words just spew out
when one is aggravated.

First off - we purchased 5 tickets to see this Thomas and Friends
show at the somewhat intimate setting at the Cox Pavilion.
Intimate is not the right word, when describing the very industrial
feel of the arena. Intimate meaning it is small - so most seats are good seats.
That's a good thing right?

So 1 hour before we are ready to leave Hannah and Connor
both decide they don't want to go.
Hannah has an upset stomach,
Connor is just being Connor. After all -
8 years old and Thomas The Tank Engine...
no way.

There goes 50 bucks right there.

So we get there and slowly, every one is filing in and getting to their seats
and Bill says - "I think the hockey games draw a better group of people."
oh, boy. He was pretty much on the money.

Lights dim and the show begins
and for the next 15 minutes that followed,
well, that's pretty much when everyone else decided to
come on in and my kid could not see the stage. Makes you appreciate going to a
show where they only let you in during certain times, so as to not
disturb. The rest of us folks that actually read the ticket that said -
SHOW STARTS AT 1:00pm, we were the losers in all of this.

And for the life of me I could not figure out why the nice lady sitting next to
us, stayed as long as she did, while her (4 year old??) son cried hysterically and
held his hands on his ears for at least 30 minutes.

During intermission half of the people with the floor seats left..
...........and didn't come back.

Then that same group of losers that ushered themselves in after the show
started, all left 5 minutes before the end of the show.
You know, the best part -
that my kid didn't get to see.

The only saving grace in this whole experience was
when we first went in and I brought Garrin over to the
souvenir booth - he said he didn't want anything.

I would have rather driven 5 hours to go to Arizona and see
the big gigantic Thomas, stayed in a cheesy motel,
ate some good diner food, and driven back home.
But he's not in Arizona anytime soon.

oh well

Saturday, February 14

My love -

Happy Valentines Day, babe!

Oh, and too you too, Bill.

You know I'm only kidding, honey. Brad Pitt is ugly and we all know it.

Compared to you of course.

Anyhoo. I have made fun of you numerous times on my blog,
and all of our friends have brought to my attention how I truly
don't deserve anyone like you, because I treat you like crap,
take advantage of you, and spend your money like it's going out of
style. I say to that "Ha Ha. He's all mine. And you're just jealous!!"

In all seriousness, I think just as often, I have professed my
undying love for you, and thanked you for loving me unconditionally,
providing for us without hesitation,
and being the best ever husband and dad.

I think what makes you attractive to my girlfriends is the fact
that you are totally comfortable being in touch with your feminine side.
You cook, you clean, .....even after our big parties.
You iron, you love shopping just as much as the next girl,
you enjoy candles, and you color your hair.
You are a pro at ordering the special tea you like at Starbucks,
and always ask if I think your jeans make you look fat.
You drive a Jetta and talk on the phone all day long!
(ok - you're working, we can skip that one.)
You are in love with Seal and George Michael just as much as I am.
(just stay away from JT).
Your closet is filled with tons and tons of clothes that you don't wear,
and you have more shoes than Nordstrom.
You love to roam the nursery and buy plants that we can plant in our yard,
and enjoy using the new steam cleaner.

I'm just sayin'.......


I love you.

and I wouldn't have you any other way

Happy Valentines Day.

Friday, February 13

Dear Garrin

Well buddy, you can't read, and even if someone
read this too you, you're too young to understand.
I want to write this down now, just in case ONE OF
MY FRIENDS can get this published for me..(you know who
you are...) and you can read it when you get older. With my
acting up, who knows what I'll remember down the road.

So you are three (holy cow). As is said,
proceeding each pregnancy and birth, you always
question whether or not you can love this
almost-here child as you do your already-here child.
You certainly can.
And gosh - 3rd time's the charm.
The distant memories of "My body is tired at 40 and
having a baby is not as easy as it was when I was younger"
have dissipated, and have totally been replaced with a renewal.
That is the best word I can think of to describe it.

We were blessed - Hannah and then Connor.
One girl/One boy.
Just perfect.
Whatever the reason leading up to the decision to have another-
well, we got so much more.

My life has definetely experienced a renewal.
Renew means - restore to freshness, vigor or perfection.
That is you Garrin. I feel that is exactly what you've been
sent to us for.

You are happy,
and did I say happy already?
That is the best part.

When we aren't,
you are.
And that makes everything all better.
Every time.
Without a doubt.

Happy Valentines Day, mister.
Can't wait to play our game tonight before bed -
"I love you"
"love you too"
"no, I love you"
"no, Garrin Garrin love you"
"no, I love you more"
"no, no, Garrin Garrin love you more"

"NO. I DO."

Thursday, February 12

Dear Connor

I am writing this to you honey, because it is almost Valentines Day
and I wanted to dedicate today's post all to you. I want you to know
exactly how much I love you because I am very afraid sometimes
that either I don't show you or tell you enough.
So here goes. Why I love you Connor.

1. I love that you don't do anything you don't want to do.
2. I love that you think everything through BEFORE you do something.
3. I love that you work really hard to be the best at everything.
Even though you are pretty hard on yourself at times.
4. I love when you giggle. I don't think you do it often enough.
5. I love it that you share my love of taking pictures. And
challenge me to little "contests" on who got the better shot.
6. I love that you amaze us every day with your knowledge of all things
sports - even though that totally freaks me out sometimes. You
know stuff from even before you were born.
7. I love the look on your face, when I know something sports related,
and I surprise you with it.
8. I love when you forgive me even before I say I'm sorry.
9. I love when are the best big brother to Garrin when
no one else wants to be...(ahem...Hannah?)
10. I love watching you with your friends at school when you're not
looking, and marvel in how social you really are. I love hearing
everyone call your name.
11. I love to play the Name That Song/Artist game everytime we are
together in the car and how you smile when I get them all right (I Rock!).
12. I love when we are listening to music and you do the "robot".
The look on your face just melts my heart. It's the same look
when I play air guitar.
13. I love that you smirk when I tell you in the morning how much I
like the jammies you wore - when in fact you slept in your clothes. And
you never get the hint.
14. I love that you stand up for yourself with your sister. I try not
to take her crap either - ha ha.
15. I love that you love your family. Lots of boys just don't care, but
you do. You always find something that you have in common with someone
and make that your/their connection. You are very loving.
16. I love most of all, that you wear all your emotions right on your face.
No one ever has to question you to ask how you're feeling.
Happy Silly Nervous Sad Angry Unsure Proud
One just knows.

And I am confident that because you don't hesitate to show emotion
you will be the first
to tell me to go (beeeep beeeeep.........) when you get older.

And to be perfectly honest.
I will probably deserve it.
I love you more than sushi, bud.

Wednesday, February 11

Dear Hannah

With Valentines Day right around the corner I wanted to dedicate
my next few blog posts to you guys.
And you being my first born I thought I would start with you.
I love you baby. But I think you already know that.
You are growing up to be a very beautiful girl, and I believe
you already know that too.
I love that that doesn't matter to you.
I love that many of the girly girl things, at this stage,
have passed you by. You ask for mascara, and for perfume,
and for True Religion jeans, so you can fit in with all your friends.
But when you don't wear any of those things, you are still you,
and you are happy and fun and "random".
I also know that you know, that even though you push
my buttons on a daily basis, and I seem to yell at you
everytime I open my mouth, that you are growing up
exactly how I had hoped.
When I yell at you about texting during school,
I deep down find it amusing that you push the envelop,
that you try to get away with it. I want you to push the
envelop every day in your adult life.
When you tell some little chickie at school that pushes you,
"DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN" very loudly, I am smiling
inside. For one, you sound like me, and secondly
you will ALWAYS want to stand up for yourself
and for what you believe.
When I see all of your friends and how they fall all over you,
the ones your age and especially the older ones, how you make
everyone laugh and join in your fun, I am proud.
Proud that you are friends with people no matter what.
That right now, you don't judge anyone, and like
them just the way they are. That gets harder as you get
older and I hope you always feel that way.
I love that you really pay attention to the little things that
Garrin is accomplishing, even though you are overwhelmed at
times with swimming and school. I love that it tickles you when
he says something unexpectedly or does something funny or fresh.
No matter how busy we are in our life,
those are the little things that keep us going
everyday, and I always want you to appreciate that.

Oh, Hannah there are so many things to love about you.
These are just a few of them.
Even though I am "mad" at you for some thing or another
most of the time-

i reely thnk u rok n r da bom!

Happy Valentines Day, my love.

Tuesday, February 10

Take Me Back Tuesday


February 24th, 2001
We had just moved to Nevada,
on month earlier.
OK - is it just me or is Connor's head
actually bigger than Hannah's?

It is scaring me just looking at it.

Hannah's is certainly bigger now,
and I am not talking "circumference"!!!

2008 marked the last year of matching jammies.
Boo hoo hoo...

Monday, February 9

Angels, Beauty, Babies, and Death

I am no gardener by any means.
But I do love my backyard and my plants.
Bill and I both really enjoy making it beautiful.
I have a little rose bush that is blooming and I have
been meaning to take some photos of these winter blooms.

Don't they look sad?
Just hanging their heads down?
There are always moments of beauty that tangle with a little sadness.
That's just life I guess.

Before I shot these pictures,
I had been catching up on a few of my favorite blogs.
This one in particular, which I read quite often.
Which then led me to this one.
I've not been able to read much of this story
the past week or so,
I didn't want to "hear" the words,
"experience" the sadness,
"feel" their pain.
What they've been going through is
But I did want to pray.
For them
and for the baby they just lost.
And as I was taking pictures of my sad roses,
I thought it would be so very appropriate
to incorporate the unseemingly
beautiful angel that sits beneath this plant
as I think about this story today.
I hope that this family finds beauty in their
life again soon.

Sunday, February 8

Lemme 'splain....

(I've actually been meaning to write about this,
so thank you Allison for the inspiration!)
I think I may have to explain,
or maybe apologize,
or set the record straight,
or just ramble on for days on end,
or whichever one suits your fancy.

I, on more than one occasion on this blog,
-ok, like 100 occasions-
have made reference to the size of my butt.

I am 5ft 1 in flip flops
and currently weight 139.6 lbs.
(Trish, I know I am cracking you up right about now!)
I have been doing Weight Watchers online
since January 6th or thereabouts
because I am not comfortable in the least bit with my weight
right now. I am currently down 6.4 lbs.
(stop laughing, Trish)

So when I say "right now" I am not comfortable with my weight,
I am honest in saying that there have been many other times,
as well, that I have also not been OK with my weight.
There has been equal time when I have been OK with it.
But that is just how it was, is and probably will be.
I believe that ones weight issues are something
that only that person can "feel".
What may seem unrealistic or non-existent to one,
may be another's reality.
I feel that someone who wants to lose 10 pounds
can experience the same feelings as someone
who wants to lose 100 pounds.

I have been told by some that I don't "look like" I need to lose weight.
Or that I look great just the way I am.
And I appreciate any and all compliments that come my way.
I mean, who doesn't?, for crying out loud.
Bill has always been my biggest confidence booster.
(He's my husband for godsakes, and he knows what he has to
say to get a little wink, wink..he's no dummy)

But that does not change my own personal dialog with myself
and how I feel about my weight.

I do know this though.
Feeling how I feel does not interfere in any
way with my daily existence.
It doesn't stop me from squeezing my fat ass out the front
door every morning to do whatever the hell it is I do all day.
It doesn't stop me from hanging with my friends,
helping out with school.
Being involved with the swim team
or standing up to the School Board.
It also doesn't make me love my family,
my kids, my husband or
my friends any less,
and as a matter of fact,
I don't love MYSELF any less either.

What it does do is,
make me hold myself accountable.
Accountable for what I need to do
to change my weight.
Not change how I feel about my weight,
but actually doing something to lose it.
Accountable when my BMI on my scales reads

My first problem is I don't suffer from body dysmorphic disorder.
There are many people who do, some I know of.
I could not be 110 pounds, look in the mirror
and think I was still fat.
if I were 110 pounds.
Well, maybe not a supermodel at 5ft 1,
but you get my drift.
I'd be lovin' it, man.
Or even the reverse of that -
350 lbs and thinking I was gorgeous.
(Wouldn't that be a great way to think! Maybe I ought
to consider "getting" this disorder)
Secondly - I haven't been to the gym in 8 weeks.
No ones fault but my own.
My own laziness.
I am NOT into getting my lazy butt
up at 5 o'clock in the morning right now.
Oh well.
Thirdly - I didn't gain weight for any other reason
than - the amount of food I stuffed in my pie hole.
Plain and simple.
Calories in/calories in/and more calories in...
Yah - I'm 43 and have had a hysterectomy,
and I could try to blame it on something like that,
but I won't and I don't.
Lastly - Yes, I worked diligently at the gym,
5 days a week for most of last year.
But I could have done better,
definitely. I could have stopped
eating like a cow after I worked out.
(I was hungry, dammit!)

I am lucky enough to be able to wear
nice clothes, do my hair,
wear makeup,
just look presentable.
But I don't like that my jeans are tight,
or that I have a bit of a muffin top.
Or my shirts are tighter across my boobs
than I'd like them to be.
I don't like taking out my summer/winter clothes
only to find them fitting tighter.
That just pisses me off.
While I may not be the chubbiest little piggie
in the sty, I am still carrying around too many sticks of
butter on my thighs. (All you WW junkies out
that can remember that reference, I'm sure).

But I am so totally OK with not being OK with this.
I am dealing with this (some times better than
other times) and like to bitch about it,
or joke about it sometimes on this blog.
It's me, guys.

I think I blatantly brag about my kids enough
and dog on my husband enough
or write down extraneous crap that nobody really
cares about enough,
to throw in a little
"junk in the trunk" reference
here and there.
At least my head isn't as big as my ass, huh?

Saturday, February 7

OK - so let's talk about this...

The bennies of green tea.
The aiding in weight loss.
Possible help with prevention of some cancers.
Lowering of the cholesterol.


Lemme just stop the here.
I'm drinkin' it for the weight loss.


Plain and simple.

And I'm drinking a lot of it folks.
A lot.
(I first need to get my buzz on from a full pot of Starbucks
because you can't get that jolt from a stinking cup of tea like you can
with a keg cup of coffee)

But after that you might as well hook me up with a
CamelBak full of the stuff. I drink it all day.

Now for me, drinking bottled water,
well, I get bored. So I look at this as
my eight glasses a day,
which may actually aid in my fanny in becoming
a more reasonable size for my petite 5foot 1inch frame.

Then you have pomegranates. Love 'em.

So bennies of pomegranates:
Keeps bad HDL from oxidizing.
Slows some cancers.
Improves oxygen flow to the heart.


I eat them because they taste good,
the are a challenge to eat which makes it fun,
the little seeds are so cute and juicy,
etc etc.
Lookie here.
It sucks, it just sucks.
What a disappointment. I was so excited to see this box
on the shelf. I am buying every imaginable brand of green tea
to find one that is fantastic, I come across this one,
and it sucks.
Any suggestions?
Loving the Tazo Green Tea the most.

Friday, February 6

I'd probably get arrested.

So there is this "Note" going around Facebook
called Senior Year, that I filled out last night,
which rendered a comment that made me remember
a very funny story.
(Let's just say, it wasn't very funny at the time.)

Gosh I don't even remember how old I was.
I was in elementary school though.
We lived in Ashford, CT.
Country living at its finest -
1/2 hour to get to a grocery store.
An hour to get to a decent grocery store.
Long bus rides to primary school.
Even longer bus rides to High School.
Long, long unpaved driveways that you
couldn't even see the road you actually lived on.

So we lived at the very top of this long driveway
(which is important to know at the end of this story).
My friend Christine lived across the street.

We used to sneak to the "shack" down the road a little
and "smoke" cigarettes.
Now mind you - back then EVERYONE smoked. Adults I mean.
My parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, you name it,
they smoked.
My mother even smoked straight through all three
of her pregnancy's.
She smoked after she found out she had lung cancer.

Now Christine and I smoked the cool cigarettes -
Marlboro. I don't even remember where she got them.
I am going to have to ask her.

But my mother smoked Kool Menthols.
And that is where this story really starts.
I stole a pack of her cigarettes.

Where ever I had hidden them,
she found them.

I am also sure that she knew,
by the minute how many packs were
left in her carton (yes, she bought them by the carton).
She was THAT avid of a smoker.
But as a kid you just don't think your parents use the
math skills they learned while going to school.

from the money in their wallet
to the cigarettes left in their pack
to the amount of chocolate ice cream
left in the tub.

I didn't get away with shit.
But that didn't stop me nonetheless.

So she finds the cigarettes.

She calls Christine's mother and tells her
to go out and by a cigar...

She halls me upstairs into the bathroom...
and says...
"If you plan on smoking, you aren't going to sit there
and think you're cool puffing away on a cigarette. You
are going to learn how to smoke a cigarette the right way."
And she proceeded to make me smoke the entire pack.


All's I knew was
puff and blow,
puff and blow,
puff and blow....

She was having none of that.


Okay, so getting back to two very important points -
the long driveway
and the cigar request.

a. Christine could hear me screaming, choking, gagging, crying...
from her house.

2. And my mother was planning on making me smoke the
cigar after I finished my pack of cigarettes.

Well, the latter never happened.
Now I know why we were in the bathroom
and I was made to sit on the side of the tub.. know, in case I needed to puke........


The cops would be here in like, 4 seconds if we EVER
parented like that these days, don't you think?