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Thursday, January 8

I think there's something wrong with me

So here we have a crock pot.



An extremely popular kitchen appliance.

I have one.


And here is a quick little description of a crock pot
that I came across.

"A crock-pot is an electric pot used for slowly cooking a meal. They are fairly inexpensive, between $15 and $50. Though not as popular as the microwave, the crock-pot is a necessity in a home where the cook has little time and wants a home-cooked meal. Like the microwave, they don't heat up the kitchen or require a lot of maintenance. All you have to do is add the ingredients in the morning before you leave, turn on the heat setting required, and when you come home dinner is served! "
Me and The Crock Pot
A marriage practically made in heaven,
wouldn't you say?
So yes, I stay home during the day,
for the most part.
But on some days, actually starting,
preparing, and cooking a meal in the late
afternoon, to have ready for dinner time,
just isn't in the cards for me.
Once 2:15 rolls around,
the driving begins.
Hannah's school, then home.
Then Connor's school, Hannah's pool, home.
Connor's pool, Hannah's pool, home.
Connor's pool, home.
Throw in a doctors appointment,
a haircut,
a school dance,
whatever.......
it just throws me all outta whack.
So that's when it is
"Hello, Crock Pot".
On more than one occasion,
I have actually purchased the ready made
prepared meals in the freezer section,
especially made for the crock pot.
When I feel like its OK for my family
to consume a meal with about 187 grams of fat,
and more salt than I put into my water softener,
I've popped one of those suckers into the crock pot
bright and early in the morning,
and am sweetly reminded throughout the day of
the impending, scrumptious, bloat induced meal,
with the wafting heavenly aroma of
Swedish Meatballs,
or Chicken and Dumplings,
or Beef Stew.
More often though, I have chosen healthier options.
A pork roast,
a whole chicken,
and most times - chicken breast.
I've got to tell you,
there has not been one time,
not once,
that I have EVER
E.
VER.
prepared a meal
in
that
god
forsaken
piece
of
shit
appliance
that
was
good.
EVER.
So when Bill asked what was for dinner the other night
and I said chicken in the crock pot,
and Connor didn't hear what I had said,
so Bill re-iterated (somewhat)
DRY CHICKEN,
I was not surprised the least bit
when he walked in the door an hour later
with a pizza.
So the bottom line here is,
this appliance is not good
for just throwing in some chicken,
a bunch of other stuff that you think
is going to keep the chicken moist and make
it taste good, and let it cook all fricken day
without turning it into
Chicken Jerky.
You need to actually read a
Crock Pot Cookbook
and follow the directions explicitly.
That just doesn't sit right with me.
I don't want to follow a recipe
to prepare a
crock pot meal.
If I want to do all that,
I might as well do it in the oven,
where I know it will turn out well
no matter what I do to it.
Who invented this damn thing anyway?
And what am I doing wrong?

11 comments:

Bill said...

Maybe try a soup..? Clam Chowder, chilli.... Sorry, but hey.. we found a great new pizza place!!

Tutta la Storia said...

So you know I love my crock-pot. Yes, I have definitely had some drier-than-the-air-in-Vegas meals, BUT I do have two sure-fire recipes that ROCK. Enchiladas and Pulled Pork. Let me know if you want the recipes.

I also just found a chocolate cake recipe--so hey, when you are done eating Pizza (yum) your dessert will be ready for ya!

Liz said...

I want your recipes, Allison. And I have tried the chocolate cake in the crock pot.
TERRIBLE
I have the same issues, Gini.
I love the Crockpot for the smell and the coziness but I overcook everything.
I agree with your post 100% from the write up to the frozen meals to the chicken jerky.
Fuckers.

LaAna said...

So, I will admit that Eddie does most (ok all) of the crockpot cooking for sunday meals. He must have a gift because it usually turns out great. Sorry no help!

iVegasFamily said...

That's weird. We cook in ours all the time and most of it is delicious. Of course, we avoid chicken.

Emily said...

I have a GREAT crock pot dish, easy too:
2 cans black beans
2 cans mexican stewed tomatoes
1 can of corn
1 can diced green chilies(small can)
1 cup salsa
1 can tomato sauce (8 oz)
4 FROZEN chicken breasts

Cook all day on low
serve over tortilla chips in a bowl and top with cheddar cheese, sour cream.

I usually shred the chicken before I serve it up. Even Tyler enjoys this one! Don't drain the canned items, makes enough to feed 10.

Kim said...

That sucks. I hate when you're looking forward to a meal and it ends up being lousy.

I've learned that my crockpot, even on low, burns everything if you leave it in there all day, even though it switches itself to warm. I can only use it on the weekends, and I usually stick to soups, stews or chilis.

carissa... brown eyed fox said...

i can only make ONE thing in that thing... roast... i wish they would make some of those "meals in a bag" better... less all the crap! so right the sodium alone... sheesh!

Redhead in Vegas said...

Oh crap. I just bought a crock pot cookbook. I guess I should give up before I begin.
Oh, and who is this Liz leaving comments. She seems like my kind of girl. Anyone that drops an f bomb on a comment needs to come over to my blog. Liz, here is my email address...
carey_p@yahoo.com
drop me a line if you want to be added to my blog. It is private, but I'd love to add ya!

Jerolyn said...

The best part about these comments was the surprising yet refreshing F bomb! laughed right out loud.

Liz said...

I had to re-read my comment, but thanks... I don't mean to swear... it just comes out. I could tell ya stories about stuff my daughter has said. Man-oh-man... I have gotten much better, actually.

Who am I?
I'm Kim & Dennis' friend. I stumbled into this web of Bloggers. And I love it!