All is fairly quiet around here today, which much to my dismay, is one of those days for lots of "thinking". You know - going from thought to thought to thought.....over-analyzing everything.....yadda yadda yadda.
So, I might just jot down a few things to hopefully get them off my mind and put them to rest.
I have totally figured out, you know, now that I am 42 - that counting to 10 in necessary situations, actually works. Not only in times where I feel like I am going to explode with the kids, Connor's laziness, or Hannah's forgetfulness (which, man, now that I am typing it, seems so very lame), but in the heat of it all is rightfully disturbing - I can count to 10 and usually put a cap on the explosion. But ask me how many times I really do that - counting to 10 - I am sure my neighbors wonder what all the yelling is about sometimes... Back to point - it does work.
Today, for instance, I am really trying to count to 10 fairly consistently - otherwise someone is going to have to call the psychiatric unit at St. Rose and involuntarily admit me. I am feeling very stressed.
As in my previous posts, the kids are sick. So that's really where this all begins.
If you are Italian, you will appreciate this. The admission that all of us are born with the "guilt" factor. Many of my Jewish friends can also relate to this. I think that's why I have always had a lot of Jewish friends - we can relate. We can compare - who feels the most guilty about this or that.....
So here-in the guilt lies with how I am feeling about my kids being sick. I unfortunately feel like I am making a bigger issue about Hannah being sick, over Connor and Garrin. I even called my brother yesterday to MAKE him understand that I don't want to come across like I only care about Hannah. Because I don't. Really. Connor has been home since Wednesday of last week. Garrin developed a fever and a cough during the night last night, but I am definitely more stressed about Hannah getting well for this upcoming weekend. I am trying to clarify that in my own mind, how being stressed about Hannah is entirely unrelated to how I feel about the other two being sick. I suppose I prioritize it differently, is all. yeah, yeah, that's it!
And this guilt unfortunately extends to my "healthy living" plan I have started for myself. Last night I didn't go to the gym. Between not feeling so hot myself, and the fact that my body is still recovering from Monday nights weight training (I'm dyin' ova here...), the need to scour the towns pharmacies for cold medication, and get the kids homework underway - I didn't go. So I feel guilty.
I am counting to 10 - hold on a minute.
So there's always tonight. There has to be tonight. I have not lost one stinking pound, since my workout regime started. I am staying at the calorie count that I am supposed to be at. So what the hell...
I am totally counting to 10 right now - hold on.
When is Monday? Because I am sure things will be so much calmer then. That will be when I will have gotten over the stress of Connor being out of school so long, all three kids getting over this sickness, and Hannah done with the Junior Olympics. I will be over the guilt I feel over possibly slighting one kid over another. I will have more time to figure out, realistically, why my butt is not getting any smaller. I can rejoice in the fact that my husband will be home for a whole couple of weeks!! I feel better already, just thinking about this....ahhhhhhhh.
Think of me today when I am:
1. Driving to the swim shop to pick up Hannah's racing suit.
2. Cleaning out the car before I can even think of packing it up for the trip.
3. Finishing the laundry.
4. Putting away all the clean clothes I have already folded.
5. Scrubbing the two downstairs bathrooms - so Bill can have a SuperBowl Party, while I am gone (you suck, by the way!) (Go Giants!!!!)
6. Pay a couple of bills
7. Finally check the mail - the mailman is probably wanting to shoot me right now.
8. Get cash for the weekend
9. Pack our bags
10. Pick up Hannah at school, get her to the pool, come home, cook dinner, go back to pool and pick her up, etc etc...
11. Counting to 10 in between each of these.